As a mother currently pursuing my doctorate, I often encounter the belief that higher education is not the ideal time for parenthood. In this post, I want to share my personal experience, offering a different perspective.
A year ago, I began my doctorate with a two-and-a-half-month-old baby. When I received the acceptance email from Oxford, I was thrilled – a dream come true. However, this raised a question: could I pursue this dream while pregnant? I believed in balancing motherhood and academic aspirations, and my advisor’s encouragement reinforced this belief. We, as a family, moved from Israel to England, adjusting to this new chapter.
It hasn’t been easy. Physically, post-pregnancy recovery and sleepless nights were tough. Emotionally, I constantly struggle with guilt over balancing academic and maternal responsibilities. If I focus on my daughter, I worry about neglecting my research; if I concentrate on my studies, I feel like a bad mother. The logistics of managing a household, especially when being the primary caregiver, added another layer of complexity. Motherhood often feels isolating, as not everyone around me can relate to my situation.
Yet, doctoral studies offered unexpected advantages. The flexibility allows me to align my work with my daughter’s schedule, often during nights or weekends. This means I can compensate for lost time without impacting others, unlike in a regular job. Interestingly, this flexibility leads to more time spent with my daughter than if I had a typical job. Moreover, the challenges of motherhood put academic obstacles into perspective. The best part of my day is always the hug from my daughter after a day of work.
As I keep moving forward with my PhD, here are some key tips that have helped me so far:
- Flexible Scheduling: Organize daily tasks, including household chores, within specific hours to enhance efficiency.
- Creating a Supportive Environment: Having a support system, be it your partner or friends, is crucial. Address practical issues early on, like daycare and babysitters, and don’t be shy to ask for help.
- Aligning Expectations with Your Supervisor: Communicate your limitations early to avoid misunderstandings.
- Practice Compassion: Acknowledge that you can’t do everything and be kind to yourself.
In the race of life, there never seems to be a “right” time for children. Whether it’s career progression or personal aspirations, the timing is always challenging. However, if you feel ready, that is the right time for you.
